Sunday, January 22, 2006

The heaviness on my shoulders as I dragged my feet along.

This week sees me burying myself behind piles and piles of work in camp. I kept myself extremely busy, taking on tasks and work that I could have easily steered clear from. In a way, I thought by keeping myself preoccupied with multiple tasks at hand, I can somehow keep certain negative and depressing thoughts at bay.

I�m not sure if I succeeded, but at least I dun feel as down as when I was left alone to face the emptiness that resonates from deep within. It�s as if each time when I am on my own, I can sense this heavy, sinking feeling from deep within� as if the world that�s beneath my feet had disappeared and I�m left suspended� albeit in an slow, eternal descend.

List of tasks that I had taken on� which most will shun from:

Composition of drum solo for CNY Changing of Guards

Designing of SAF Bands Drum Major Mace

Attaching out to take photos of the Merdeka Lions for said Mace

�Maceworks� WITS project

Corporate video for SAF Bands

Must say it has been quite a week� accomplish quite a lot.. Must say some tasks, which I expected to be pretty simple, turned out to be extremely torturous. Like being stranded in SAFTI MI for a whole 4+ hours with nothing constructive to do whatsoever; or coming up with a drum solo with piccolo parts. Thanks to Benji and Chenguo for the help they have rendered me� though I have still yet to finish it.

Friday was ORD function. It kinda sound the alarm for the impending departure of many individuals. Surely life in Bands will not be the same with their departure.

????????; ???????.

Well, things come and go. Guess we just have to move on... somehow. Even though nothing will ever be the same again; no matter how much we may miss the past.

This is very much a lousy entry� just like my life now. So very dull and uninteresting

What the heck. Who cares?
No one.

Cre8tivesparks at 1/22/2006 01:08:00 AM

1 gave a piece of their mind

Sunday, January 15, 2006

The rain mercilessly pours on.

And the rain poured again.

I hate it when it rains� seriously. Somehow, the worst of emotions come in torrents when the rain is at its heaviest. All the negative thoughts and emotions just seem to overwhelm me whenever it rains, leaving me downright drenched.

I guess it has finally come to this.

Just like the heavy rain shrouding the world in a hazy grey veil, all that was once fair and glad has finally come to pass, shrouded in the hazy veil of time� All that is left is but a vague and distant memory, of the wonderful world and the happy times behind those oppressing grey veils.

I know this is kind of weird, but sometimes I wish those happy times never existed. At least I won�t be as forlorn as I am now� at least I won�t be here reminiscing the past which I know will never come back. At least there will always be happier times to look forward to�

If only the Memory-erasing Procedure in Eternal Sunshine of The Spotless Mind really existed. I will be first in line to try.

At the very least, all things start afresh.

"Blessed are the forgetful: for they get the better even of their blunders."

- Friedrich Nietzsche

But we all know, this can never be so.
Face it.

Suggested reading: Forget Me Lots by Melissa Maerz

Cre8tivesparks at 1/15/2006 06:11:00 PM

0 gave a piece of their mind

Sunday, January 08, 2006

The day I stood in the pouring rain...

These days, sudden downpours and non-stop drizzles ruled my life. I feel drenched and soaked thoroughly� leaving me just cold, wet and numb, and extremely miserable all over.

My oh my, why the sudden overwhelming of emotions here, on a blog that I thot was pretty impersonal?? I don�t know why. Maybe I just feel like letting out some pent up frustrations� just letting go� like the heavy dark clouds letting go of all the rain� and maybe, the skies will clear, and the sun will finally shine once again.

I seriously need something happy to look forward to, although I always though happiness is but a fleeting feeling. It comes once in a while, but usually it won�t last long. That�s why I cherish each happy moment I have, for I know they are hard to come by, and the loathsome misery that is to transverse that �happy feeling� is always quick to follow. Haiz...

�The mountains will not be half as breath-taking as it is, without the valleys to transverse it.� - Anonymous

Currently, each day is like a slow march towards something foreboding and totally not worth looking forward to. I don�t know what this is.. but I guess, maybe it can quite easily be defined as, �the unknown�.

Everyone is afraid of the unknown. No one likes to be lost in something where they have absolutely no control over. It�s like being thrown into the wide expanse of the ocean� to be left adrift and not knowing what you heading into. The irksome feeling of the unknown and the uncertainty of what lies ahead, it just sux. Period. It leaves too much room for imagination. And that is definitely something unpleasant for someone like me, someone driven by imagination according to the Inkblot Test. I think I�m quite a pessimist.

But frankly speaking, time and again, we are the ones who put ourselves in that predicament. We chose, out of the options made available to us, one that we know may result in misery; one that is full of unknowns. And more often or not, we�re indeed left miserable. No surprises here. But why do we still choose that option over other more obvious ones; ones that we know we most probably will not be left feeling as down and out?

I guess, the answer is simply for that one chance, no matter how slim; the chance of the rainbow after the rain, the sunshine after the storm. It is enough for one to brave the storms, and stand steadfast and unwavering in the pouring rain, or in the face of any adversity for that matter. At least that�s what I hope to think it is, that the rain will pass, and the skies will clear� and the days of joy long forgone will be back yet again, to bring a smile upon my face. One that radiates from deep within, and not the pseudo one that I wear daily to hide all troubles away.

I really wish that the day will be here� soon.

Current playlist: Bad Day by Daniel Powter

Where is the moment we need at the most
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost
They tell me your blue skies fade to grey
They tell me your passion's gone away
And I don't need no carryin' on

You stand in the line just to hit a new low
You're faking a smile with the coffee to go
You tell me your life's been way off line
You're falling to pieces everytime
And I don't need no carryin' on

Cause you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day
You had a bad day

Well you need a blue sky holiday
The point is they laugh at what you say
And I don't need no carryin' on

You had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day

(Oh.. Holiday..)

Sometimes the system goes on the blink
And the whole thing turns out wrong
You might not make it back and you know
That you could be well oh that strong
And I'm not wrong

So where is the passion when you need it the most
Oh you and I
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost

Cause you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
You've seen what you like
And how does it feel for one more time
You had a bad day
You had a bad day