Saturday, August 06, 2005

The thing about tau-pok

The thing is, when bandsmen are left with too much free time with absolutely nothing to do, they'll come up with the weirdest activities to keep themselves entertained. One such typical activity is what we affectionately call a 'taupok' session.

K, for the benefit of those who are clueless about what 'taupok' means, it's an activity which involves the squashing of individuals, with the use of nothing else but sheer bodyweight of many individuals.

Usually, the main victim is decided in split seconds, and the first assailant will pounce on his prey with great viciousness without any warning (much like how a tigress or a lioness will pounce on its prey), pinning him either to a bed or the floor, or whatever is accessible. With the main assailant sprawled over his prey, he will place all his bodyweight down onto the victim, usually stunning the victim rendering him immobile, pinned, squashed and breathless. This is done simultaneously with the war cries of "taupok!!" to alert fellow assailants of the pinned prey, after which interested participants will den join in the fun, piling themselves on top of one another, rendering the main victim more immobile, more squashed and more breathless then ever. N.B. I say 'main victim' becos the ones at the bottom of the stack are also equally squashed, don't you think?

As one will be wondering, what a mere humble local comestible has got to do with the activity, first, we must picture how taupoks look like... maybe not now in squeaky clean air-conditioned supermarkets where they lay comfortably side by side in nice little styrofoam boxes with shrink-wrap around them, but definitely so in times when the policemen still wore shorts. They are squashed and stacked on top of one another, strung together on strings and hanged up for sale then. Get it?

'Taupok' usually requires a relatively large number of participants, and must be relatively spontaneous to achieve maximum effect; reason being the larger the number of people involved, the greater the 'impact' and the greater the spontaneity, the greater the element of surprise is for the main victim. And the interesting thing to note is: nobody ever gets angry in a 'taupok' session. Not even the main victim, or the ones at the bottom of the stack, or anyone else for that matter. Why??? Cos 'taupok' is all done in the name of fun, and it's done only amongst friends. I mean, who will want to 'taupok' someone you really hate? I mean... ewww... Imagine letting your body come into contact with the highly detestable Singapore Arts Museum.. or Smelly-Ol' You-know-who. I mean, get a life man, seriously.

So when I got to know that certain highly detestable individual made a remark, which goes something like: "Ha! This is not enough. He deserves more then that", coupled with sneer and scorn during a recent 'taupok' session where I got 'taupok-ed', it really got to me. I mean, seriously, wtf?!? Don't you get it? Don't you know why no one will ever 'taupok' you?? It's becos you ARE that detestable!! And that you’ve got no friends!! Like I said before, 'taupok' is a friendly gesture, though violent it may seem, and that is precisely why no one should, or will ever get angry when he is being 'taupok-ed', or gets 'taupok-ed' while 'taupok-ing' someone else.

Hopefully, this certain individual will get to read this, and consequentially realise how sad and sorry his life is. How he is putting people off and getting on everyone's nerves. And does he know that there's already a society dedicated to him? No... (Read: The Masitna Society. Read it backwards if you don't get it. And if you still don't get it, then probably you're not smart enough to be part of it.) I hope Yuanqin is free and bored enough to do up a site for the society; and that Weng can find the weird scissors and set up the Un-SAM Salon next to Jumari's Barber shop.

Have you had your 'taupok' today?

Cre8tivesparks at 8/06/2005 04:12:00 PM

0 gave a piece of their mind