Monday, December 27, 2004

Wanton Ramblings..

Damn bored.. Suffering from wat seems like Prolonged Extreme Boredom Syndrome (PEDS)...

So bored dat I shall now tell you guys a story.. in chinese..


在这城市的莫个角落, 有个孤独的影子正对着它的主人说话.

影 子问道:" 我跟随在你左右, 观察了你再久不过. 天天见你因害怕孤独而不断的寻找他人和你做伴. 但在他人面前, 你却肃立起一道道厚实的墙, 将自己困在当中, 不愿或不敢坦然的面对墙外等着你的人. 那你找他们做伴的理由又是什么? 在得到了他们的陪伴后, 你却比独自一人更感到孤单, 更感到寂寞. 难道你不厌倦吗? "

主人对着影子说道:" 要是我真的对这问题有个明确答案, 我也不至于在这和你聊天. 或许我知道还有其他人和我一样, 需要我的陪伴, 却也不知道如何真正的和他人真心相对, 找寻能填补内心深处那空虚的良方. 也或许是因为我了解他们的心态吧, 所以愿意陪伴在他们左右, 互相扶持, 永远不求能真正的成为对方的知心朋友. "

这时, 和那主人相约的朋友出现了. 彼此客套地寒暄了几句, 并一同往城市另一个寂寞的角落走去. 影子默默地跟随在主人后头, 轻轻地为主人叹息.


Cre8tivesparks at 12/27/2004 01:27:00 PM

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Saturday, December 25, 2004

圣诞结... 你能否解得开?

Christmas Eve 2004

(N.B. This is like the 3rd time I'm trying to blog this entry... My lousy com has been restarting like nobody's business and I have to like, repeatedly type the same entry.. shucks.. Really driving me insane.)

Watched the Christmas Play put up by the folks from City harvest at the Kallang Indoor Stadium with Xun and Sok.. The show was splendid.. and lived up to the expectations yet again.. they never fail to impress with the professionalism in their shows.. That's partly the reason why this is the 2nd time I'm watching their Christmas performance.. : ) Hope Xun enjoyed the show as much as I did.. other den the fact dat it reminds him of Jay Chou concerts? ha..

Initially feared dat either Xun or Sok might feel awkward or bored.. since this is like the first time the 2 actually met.. But I guess everything turned out pretty well.. ha.. At least it seems like the 2 can communicate quite well.. considering they are meeting for the first time.. and the common topic will have to be me.. *roll eyes*.. since I'm like the mutual friend of both. Great.. So now I have the china-man look and I'm quick to react.. ha.. I REBUKE the China-man part k.. but I do admit dat I am, at times, quick to react and thus done the wrong things at the wrong time. Kk.. but I'm really glad I have pals around me dat can point out my flaws out-rightly.. I'll try to change dat k..

Supposed to meet up with Alvin for the Countdown.. but due to the failure of a certain mission of his... the mood just isn't there.. ha.. End up heading for home as soon as we watched a few balloons floating aimlessly up into the endless dark sky.. Hope the balloons will find reach the destination they longed for..

Took NR5 with Sugui.. though NR8 I think... is the one dat goes to my place.. But din mind it one bit.. cos I had one of the most satisfying conversations since quite a long time le. It's amazing how true friends can open up to each other so effortlessly and yet, not feel embarrassed or watsover.. and it felt great to be able to express your innermost thoughts without restraints or inhibitions.. with no fear watsoever of being judged.. And it's through conversations like these dat the tussles of everyday life seems so minute and insignificant.. and dat the solutions to watever problems seemed much more simple and straightforward.

This Christmas, I am really thankful to have such great friends around me.. and I sincerely wish them the best of luck for watever that they may be wishing for...
(I will pray for you too, Sok. Pray for the miracle that is to come.)

Cre8tivesparks at 12/25/2004 02:16:00 PM

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Sunday, December 19, 2004

A night of wild fun~!

Sat night, 18th Dec, our Staff Sgts Terry and Cecilia treated us to drinks at Dbl O after receiving their year end bonuses.. and it was indeed a night of unrestrained fun~! It was my first time at serious 'cheong-ing' as the previous encounters at Venom.. which now ceased to exist and is taken over by ChinaBlack.. for the NUS Medicine and Pharmacy Faculties Orientation Bash; and Alley Bar for the Singtel POD Party; and Liquid Room for dat Toni & Guy hair show I did just dun suffice to be categorized as a 'cheong-ing' session.. more of superficial socializing and half-the-time-dunnoe-wat-I'm-doing... I think it's pretty much got to do with the crowd you're in.. ha..

My crowd this time consists of my fellow trainees in Training Wing, 61st Batch (Jansen, Hans, Zhixun, Iskandar, Gekgoh) and of cos, Staff Terry and Cecilia... Sadly, not everyone was present as some couldn't make it.. however, I'm sure those who turned up had a great time and din regret the consequential loss of sleep... ha.. (Rite Hans? I'm sure they'll think you're so sad dat you cried till ur eyes were all swollen at the Central Band Songka on Sunday.. ha)

The night started rather awkwardly.. with us arriving at Dbl O at abt 10+pm.. We headed for this bar next to the actual Dbl O and sat there waiting for Cecilia to arrive.. and we den took turns to LS at the Gents.. ha.. =P Dunnoe wat's the matter with the few of us.. ha... Can't control our bowels due to the overwhelming excitement?? Den there were awkward silences and 你看我,我看你 situations as how Cecilia would have put it.. And I begin to worry dat the whole niter will be just spent like dat.. Thank god it didn't..

When Cecilia arrived, we headed into the main room and boy were we surprised to see dat a huge crowd has already gathered there.. and we hardly have any room to really gather as a group without obstructing the heavy human traffic.. Drank a few mugs of Vodka Ribena and Coke etc and headed for the dance floor.. the music was great and the atmosphere awesome.. at first felt a little awkward (first time wat...) and really wondered how Iskandar can really let himself go and dance with such wild abandon... swaying to the groove and all... den even our 闷骚 Hans started to immerse himself in the wild atmosphere and starting swaying to the music with dat trademark grin of his... ha.. damn funny.. Terry and Gekgoh finally joined us at close to 12am and we just got more and more high.. ha.. the music gets even better den, according to Xun and we downed more mugs of Vodka etc.. ha.. shiok..

There were quite a handful of eye candies and most noticeable is the group of 4 gals and 2 guys.. First of all it was Xun, whom we thought got lucky.. a gal actually approached him and seemingly offered her hp.. and she looked 'nap!' as we put it.. ha.. Den as we were still abuzz with commotion on how lucky he was, the very same girl approached Terry and did the same. We were like "Awwww..." It turned out dat she's drunk and her other 3 females friends were frantically trying to shield her in the crowd.. and 1 of the guys is actually her sister's bf.. who was there to protect the 'damsel' dat's not exactly in distress... yet. ha.. Poor Zhixun.. he must have felt being lifted to cloud nine, den brutally sent hurtling back to earth.. Nvm pal, anyway ur girl-next-door type won't go around offering hp no. one lar.. ha~

Left Dbl O at around 3am... and headed for some 'normal' drinks at a nearby kopitiam before heading for home.. Thanks to Gekgoh who drove, Jansen, Iskandar and I got home swiftly in the comfort of his posh posh Cefiro.. Ha.. THANKS SEXY BOY~! Dat ends the night of great fun.. which I initially doubted would be... ha. Guys, let's do dat again k??

Cre8tivesparks at 12/19/2004 11:48:00 AM

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Friday, December 17, 2004

Another Week....

Well well, it's been a week since my last entry.. and I shall update my close frens abt my dull and uninteresting life.. (Dun say I din tell you guys things liao hor.. Sok and Alvin..)

Looks like I've thought too highly of the efficiency of the SAF... till now, no news of my posting order.. Still a 'wandering ghost' of the White House, but the only difference is I'm getting rather used to this le.. ha.. Not dat bad after all. I get to go anywhere and do anything as I please, follow my friends of various bands around in their routines and get first hand experience of how it feels like in the various Bands.. and listening to juicy first-hand news/gossips/happenings of the SAF Bands from the heart of the White House, the Bands HQ Office... Also, my loads of free time encouraged more casual conversations with the fellow musicians from all the different Bands, and thus I've made quite a number of new frens.. ha.. Wenchao from Band B, Joel from Band A (I think), Sgt Shannon from Central Band, Maja from Band A etc.. Really hope I can stay in Bands now.. cos Bands is really full of fun-loving and whacky people..

Basically, I'm not dat stressed up over the whole posting saga le.. just taking one step at a time.. after many a conversations with the different superiors in Bands (RSM, Training WSM, BSMs ABSMs etc), all encouraged me to pursue my wish to stay in Bands.. and the only thing that I can do now is wait for the return of Band's SDM, Major Teng. And so, knowing what I'm going to do next just make things seem simpler... though there's no guarantee as to what the eventual outcome will be. So guys, pray hard for me...

Just last Sat, Alvin, Sugui, Yanxin and I went cycling at ECP followed by a dinner at the hawker centre there.. den had Rochor Beancurd at Selegie.. And as we were cycling along the chalets of ECP, I was lamenting abt my sudden urge to stay in a chalet... haa.. talking abt how cosy the chalets looked with the warm yellowish glow from the tungsten light bulbs... and smoke rising from bbq pits and families and friends gathering in groups.. chatting, singing, cycling, having loads of fun.. and the next thing I know, hcco is having their chalet! But the sad thing is.. it's on a weekday and I decided against going.. being bogged down by many a practical reason.. the chalet being too darn inaccessible; the time being too late; me having to report to camp the next day etc.. And so I missed a chalet dat I so wanted badly... haiz.. really damn disappointed...

Thursday... went to watch a chinese percussion concert dat I never wanted to watch... Some crappy CO dat is like 90% Ngee Ann people.. WYM called me saying he has lots of tickets and asked me to ask people along.. and I ended up having to beg people to go with me as I din know how to turn him down.. darn it man.. Really hate having to ask favor from others... when it's all for doing another person a favor. Ended up watching it with Weixiang, Qingyu, Zhanxin and Kelvin... of which most are unwilling audiences no doubt.

The performance sux totally, except for the saving grace of this ONE performer.. some guy with a William Hung looking hairdo.. His skills are good and he proved damn proficient in delivering the pieces beside a guest musician from China.. Kudos to him, whoever he is.. But however, din enjoy the overall performance at all.. half the time I was frowning and grimacing in silent suffering.. as the discomforting noises went blasting on and on... The Ngee Ann conductor just ain't interested in balancing the orchestra at all... half the time the deafening noises from the tongqi covered everyone... Or maybe it's just me, and I'm beginning to change my taste in music.. having immersed myself in Bands for the past 2.5 mths.. totally cannot stand the coarse, raw sound of chinese percussion le..

Recently met up with a fren of mine dat I haven't seen for ages.. and got to know things that has happened to this fren through my observations.. really wondered why things had come to this... and was really curious.. but I held back my curiosity and refrained myself from asking. My rationale: If he/she really wants to tell me something, he/she would have told me without me having to ask. If he/she dun wish to tell me, he/she won’t tell me even if I asked. And ultimately, if he/she don't find the need to tell me, den there is no point in me knowing it, since it goes to show dat he/she feels dat it is his/her business and I'm not a friend worthy enough to share this with.

Dat's all for this week. Stay tuned for the next.. if you're still not deterred by the extreme boredom of reading my blog.

Cre8tivesparks at 12/17/2004 07:38:00 PM

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Sunday, December 12, 2004

The Ride Begins...

Well well, after what seems like eons, I'm finally back in the blogging thingey...

To be frank, there are times where I logged on to my blog, stared at the empty windows, spent a good ol' half an hour or so, typed in a bunch of nonsense, and finally reached for the Backspace/Delete button... Somehow or rather, I just have this innate feeling dat my wanton ramblings are not worth being published... not worth the time of others to read, or maybe the trivialities of my life will actually bore people to death.. Or maybe I just can't seem to bear to open myself fully... to whoever may be reading this.. to actually open up myself and express my innermost feelings openly... it's not just me.. But today, I will let that be part of history as I truly embrace the cult of Bloggers out there..

Not that I have something dat is extremely worth announcing to the whole wide world happening to me... Maybe just dat I wish to have an outlet to vent the pent up emotions dat I've been feeling lately.. maybe I just feel like opening up with no restraints watsoever.. to break loose... (dat explains my sudden urge to go pubbing and get real drunk.. never tried dat.. and I think I will have a taste of it real soon..)



Having said dat, let's trace the tracks of the roller-coaster ride that formed my week.

3rd Dec, 2004 (Friday)
The day the ride begins.. After the internal examinations of the SAF Bands.. dat includes Music Theory, Aural Perception, Practical and Drills (for which I was exempted), we had our postings announced. The moment dat will decide where we will be for the rest of our NSF life, the moment dat somehow, I wished could be delayed further.. This sense of foreboding just tells me dat watever it is.. I dun really wish to know... maybe just not now... But it can't be helped... and the first wave of frustrations and fear for the unknown came towering over me. Everyone of my fellow band mates knew their fate.. Band A, B or Central.. all except me. PENDING was all I got of my posting. I was left speechless.. I din noe wat to feel... actually, I was pretty much at a loss.. "What is dat supposed to mean?"
Troubled, loss, frustrated, vexed...

To be frank, I do not understand the reasons for my frustrations.. at this point in time, I still did not know where I prefer to be in.. Is it MDC? Everyone seemed to think I'll like it in MDC... cos I'm more inclined to chinese music; cos dat's the field I've been trained in; cos I've performed with them numerous times before; cos I know Major Tay.. but frankly speaking.. something tells me dat I have begin to develop a sense of belonging to Bands.. to the life of a Band musician.. so much so dat if I were to leave now.. I might not be dat happy to.

It's like you were being put in a foster family. Ur initial feelings were dat of resentment... or rejection.. cos you feel awkward, out-of-place... you feel different becos of ur background.. you fear if you can adjust to the totally new environment.. But soon, you learn to accept ur fate.. you try to adjust ur mindset.. you struggle along, coping in the new environment.. sure, you'll have ur fair share of unhappy incidents... misunderstandings... but you learn along the way... you found support from people dat started out as perfect strangers to you.. you finally pulled thru and smile as you look back at yourself back when you just enter the family.. and you just begin to see dat it's not so bad afterall... dat you can actually still be yourself.. and find joy in being part of this foster family.. dat it may not be so different afterall..


4th Dec, 2004 (Saturday)
SAF Bands Sports Day... the venue, Big Splash @ ECP.. the weather wasn't exactly cheerful, but it was quite a fun day nonetheless... Had one of the rare chances to really have fun with my fellow bandmates.. Just as I was beginning to forget all the frustrations of my unknown future, my Training Wing Captain just casually walked up and said "Oh Keith, it's been confirmed. You are to posted to Central Band."

Dumbfounded.

Okaay... so my fate is sealed... and I'm staying in this foster family afterall...


5th Dec, 2004 (Sunday)
Met Zhixun in town to go attend a Training Wing Gathering at Marina Steamboat... Never really liked eating at Marina.. and was a tad anxious.. wondered how the outing will turn out.. esp since Staff Terry and Staff Cecilia are going too.. knowing dat there was some misunderstanding between us previously... But I decided dat I must somehow brave the storm, be it for better or worse.. since it's a misunderstanding den I clear it and face it.

The outing turned out fine... As expected.. the food wasn't really dat fantastic.. but the atmosphere was good.. but not dat fantastic either.. at least it was a small step in a positive direction.. the acrimonious silence slowly tearing away.. Went for a drink at Travis @ Robinson Walk... wld have gone to Zhixun's hse to stay over, if not for the fact dat I had to do up the banner for the Graduation Ceremony on Tue..


6th Dec, 2004 (Monday)
Off-in-lieu, in compensation for the Saturday spent for the Sportsday @ Big Splash.. Even though so, I had to go back to camp, to help out with the finishing touches to the decorations for the studio dat was to be used to hold our Graduation Ceremony for the next day... Was with Zhanxin, Weixiang etc on our way to Zhixuan's hse when I received the call from Gekgo dat sent the next tsunami of frustrations. "Eh, Staff wants me to tell you dat you are not going to Central Band le.. they have posted you to MDC."

Speechless.

Now wat the heck is going on?!? Pissed.. really pissed... just wat the heck are they doing, sending me up and down in a coaster-ride?? Wat the...


7th Dec, 2004 (Tueday)
Graduation. Months of work paid off.. not exactly wat I'll call 'hard work', since I din exactly put in loads of effort.. but still, it's worth celebrating.. but to me.. it's a mixed feeling altogether.. I seriously do not know whether I shd be happy or sad... I just felt very restless.. like I'm being tossed into a great torrential sea.. with waves splashing at me from all directions.. felt suddenly very alone.. very left out.. especially so when everyone got hold of the news dat I'm being posted out to MDC..

Some came congratulating me for being able to where I want to go.. to which I replied with a wry smile.. cos I seriously dun think I feel happy with this news.. certainly 2 mths ago I wld have been jubilant... but not now.. not anymore..

The ceremony... standing there in the ranks of my fellow trainees, I feel a subtle sense of pride.. to be able to go thru the training which seemed to be awfully hard for me(due to my different background training in music).. to be able to make it thru... but looking at the bundles of certificates on the tables, I felt this sudden jab of sorrowness.. all had a SAF Bands' harp badge attached to it.. the symbol of pride of the SAF Bands.. all except mine..

Shaking of hands with the Major also sent me another wave of frustrations.. "Best of luck to you in MDC" was wat Major Teng said as he shook my hand.. which I didn't know how I reacted.. Alot of my friends said dat I show my feelings and emotions too fast with my too quick-to-react facial expressions.. I would love to see wat was dat look on my face.. I can't really recall.. Maybe I blurted out "Thank you Sir" again.. and why did I say dat?

Spent the rest of the day as a lone, wandering soul in the White House, as all my fellow trainees head for the respective bands they have been posted to... Felt very, very alone.. Once Hans poked his head in to the Training Room later on in the day.. to see me alone in there.. trying hard to read a book.. ('trying' becos seriously, I have no mood to read anything at dat point in time).. or was I trying to sleep? can't recall... He din say anything.. but merely smiled. Frankly speaking I was quite touched with dat kind gesture.. such a simple act of merely popping by, but to me, it was invaluable... the smile reminded me dat I'm not forgotten.. I din say anything to him either.. but Hans, if you see this now, I thank you. It was really nice of you.


9th Dec, 2004 (Thursday)
Went back to camp, to report once again as a wandering soul I thot.. Been trying to console myself dat it may not be as bad as I thot.. maybe I'll like it better in MDC? Maybe I shd jsut try to accept fate once again like I did 2 mths ago..

Helped out Staff Terry with his store... together with Gekgo and Jansen.. we had to clear the store of unused metal racks dat are just taking up space and gathering dust.. Seemed like hard work... but it wasn't.. actually it turned out to be quite fun... dismantling them and challenging ourselves by timing how long we take to dismantle 1.. Somehow it provided a chance to get to know Staff Terry a little better.. at a less regimental level.. It sortta tore down the invisible barrier.. the one dat resulted from the misunderstanding... and for once.. I really begin to feel dat I actually like being in this new foster family.. though there might have been misunderstandings.. but we are still a family afterall..

Halfway thru the day, somehow the conversation led to me.. and to my going over to MDC soon.. it was then dat I finally admitted dat I do not wish to go over.. and dat I wld have like to stay at Bands.. Staff Terry seemed rather surprised.. and said I shd have voiced out sooner.. And he called up Captain Chua etc and gave me advice on wat I can do.. and started me along in my quest to request to stay on in Bands.. even to the extend of calling Captain Yusri.. thanks Staff.. thanks.

Later on in the day, we all chatted.. Gekgo, Jansen, Staff Terry, Me, Xun, Iskandar.. and even chatted of plans to go Genting together.. and of the treat to Dbl O on the 18th... and I felt again this tinge of sadness again dat I'm leaving in time to come...


11th Dec, 2004 (Saturday)
Went out with Sugui, Alvin n Yanxin, to ECP to cycle... din want to go at all... considering the rather foul mood I was in... desperately wanted to go drink thru-out the day.. to get myself drunk... but my wish wasn't granted... reach home late and exhausted.. which is just as well.. den I wun end up tossing and turning again in bed, thinking of the impending doom...

Cre8tivesparks at 12/12/2004 06:58:00 PM

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